Lethal Ghost by Blake Sebring

Author:Blake Sebring [Sebring, Blake]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: UNKNOWN
Published: 2017-02-07T18:30:00+00:00

TWENTY-THREE

Somehow, I think something inside me has been turned off, or possibly it never got turned on. Maybe that’s simply empathy. Do I love the way everyone else does? Who can really ever say for sure? It’s impossible to answer, really, because we are all individuals. Love is not a sure thing.

In my way, I love my wife and kids, but there’s no way to say if it’s the same type of love as anyone else’s. I think everyone loves differently, which is why there are so many different songs about the topic, so many different poems and forms of the emotion. Everyone describes it in unique ways.

After all, it can’t be definitively defined because it’s ethereal not substantive. It can’t be measured or contained. I suppose it can be felt, but how do you judge that?

During my everyday life, I go through the motions like everyone else with hugs and kisses and cuddles. Eventually, they become part of the routine of each day. Isn’t that what happens with all couples and families? They become so used to each other that they live by rote?

You finally create some internal distance or you get smothered or maybe even bored. By then, you are stuck with the familiarity of the situation, maybe fear the potential changes of a fresh start and simply carry on with the fading momentum until it is the only thing moving you along. It’s comfortable so why change?

Maybe that cuts a little deep for some, but it’s also as honest and as open as I can be. After all, everyone’s first priority is to look out for themselves.

I respect my wife for sticking with our marriage. Sometimes I wonder if what we have is what she expected, but we would never talk about that. She truly believes “Until death to us part,” and maybe because she does, I guess so do I. It’s not so much inertia as it is consistency. This is the life I’ve chosen, that we’ve come to. We’re used to it so we stick with it. Another alternative might not be as acceptable.

I’m not being critical of our marriage, but rather understanding and respecting it. I’d rather have the safety of what we have than the strain the Rennisons must be dealing with right now.

Rennison looks awful, tired and thin like a couple layers of his soul or his substance have been worn away by the stress and loss. He’s a different person externally and probably more fragile inside.

Maybe he’s trying to hold onto something, but he’s not quite sure what so he’s grasping inside for the answers instead of reaching out where he might latch onto something that can save him. Maybe if he looked outside, someone could grab his hand and pull him up to rescue. Instead, he’s floundering.

You push anyone hard enough, no matter their virtues or values, and they’ll crack eventually. Rennison is getting close to breaking.

Maybe part of me is broken, but I don’t think what my life has become is broken because of it.

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